Are you looking for love? If so, one of these honourable members could be looking for you!
Oldham East. Man with own nappies and nail varnish WLTM younger brunette with strong regional accent for fun and non gurkha-related chats out of the public eye. No headmistresses.
Slea(ze)ford. Old Etonian with own homes, well-tuned piano and very clean moat. Seeking special person to while away new-found spare time, not fussy on age, height, smoker, drinker, interests, sense of humour, personality, etc. but must have no spots, blemishes or moles.
Brentford. Couple seeking third for easy-going fun. We are F/M, mid-50s, professional, two homes, SW London. Are you discreet? If so, we are Keen to meet you.
Manchester. Me: small red-head with own motorcycle and a passion for communities and local government. You: squirrel enthusiast.
Havant. Intellectual with GSOH seeks similar for meeting of minds (both of them mine) and joke-swapping. No light-bulb gags.
Barnet. Nice chap, sensitive and genuine, seeks soulmate for long walks, opera and companionship, denial of holocaust, inciting racial hatred. No ethnics please.
Redditch. Recently separated, lady in her prime seeks new partner in crime. Have own home plus spare room in sister’s house, lots of scatter cushions. Likes: law and order, surveillance, biometric data. Dislikes: habeas corpus, Shami Chakrabarti, cannabis, immigration statistics leaks, pornography. No police officers.
Hull(o). Do you enjoy making chip butties, working men’s clubs and playing croquet? Big-boned, cuddly chap from working-class background, two toilet seats, mock tudor beams, seeks whore in bedroom, wife in kitchen, to help fight the upper-class establishment from one of my two Jaguars. Must be good cook, cannot stress this enough.
Camberwell. Person seeks another person for neutral kinship and fully egalitarian relationship, trips to Greenham Common and equal sharing of household chores. Can make reasonable adjustments for disabilities and at least 50% of shortlisted candidates will be women, gay and black/minority ethnics.
More to follow in due course, please feel free to suggest your own.
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